Rest...

  I see it has been 2 weeks since I last posted an entry.  I'm not sure why it's been so long.  I have been really busy.  I think a lot of the reason is because I couldn't write about how well I was doing, because I haven't been doing well.  It has been really tough, and each week that goes by seems to be harder and harder.  I didn't want to be honest and write how hard it's been, or how I feel overwhelmed  and exhausted.  I wanted to be the strong one who could survive every day with out any problems.  The truth is, I'm not strong.  I have been struggling every day.  I do feel like I'm drowning.  I'm ok to admit that today, but in a few days that probably won't be the case.
  Last week Sunday I was able to talk to G again.  It was really hard because we only had 15 minutes to talk.  I felt like I had waited the whole week to hear from him and feel uplifted by his voice.  When our 15 minutes were up, and he quickly hung up, I didn't feel uplifted.  Instead, I felt let down and discouraged.  Now, I had to wait another whole week for a phone call...for any contact from him.  How disappointing.
  Last week went decent.  Some days were better than others.  Every day I Miss him more and more.  Every day I Love him more and more.  Every day, my load and responciblity feels heavier and heavier.  I can't do this anymore.  I can't keep living and raising 3 little kids by myself anymore.  I feel like I'm starting to fail, and that I can't keep up with what life is expecting of me.  I am drained.
  That's why I haven't been writing.  I don't want to be the one who can't keep it together anymore.   
  But.....God is Faithful.  Last night, when I felt like I could take no more, and I didn't know where to turn, I turned to the Lord...again, and found strength and REST in His promises.

 "I have set the LORD always before me; 

because He is at my right hand, 

I shall not be moved.

Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoiceth; 

my flesh also shall REST in Hope.

Thou wilt shew me the path of life; 

in Thy presence is fulness of joy;

at Thy right hand there are pleasures for ever more." 

~Psalm 16:8-9, 11

"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, 

and I will give you REST.  

Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart; 

and ye shall find REST unto your souls.

For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

~Matthew 11:28-30

"My presence shall go with thee, and I will give thee REST."

~Exodus 33:14

   I fell asleep with these promises in my heart.  The Lord will bless me with the strength and Rest that I need and desire.  I just need to humble myself before Him, confess my weaknesses (they are many!), and ask for His help.  I am thankful beyond words that God is Faithful to me, even when I am not faithful to Him.  "Great is Thy Faithfulness!"

   So, for today, I am at peace, and I have the strength I need to carry on for the day.  God's mercies are new every morning. (Lamen. 3:23)

 We Love you, Daddy!  Come home soon!